So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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