Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
