I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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