My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
