Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize