Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
