I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
