her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
ok first of all what the fuck
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
