Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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