Where did you get a picture of my penis
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
