im six kinds of drunk right now
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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