2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Also, beer. Big fan.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
