So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
