Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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