i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
