Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
