the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
