I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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