Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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