3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Where is the hickey?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize