You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He has the fingertips of a God
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