It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
