we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
