More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
