This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
