She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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