Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
