had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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