If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
