I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
