cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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