Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
