the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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