thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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