What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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