before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
