Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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