Duck Duck Cougar?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize