ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i out mim tonsoeep
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