just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
