so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Dicks are not precious.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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