Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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