Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Shame - the story of my life.
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