I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
