Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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