whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
