So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
