we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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