I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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