i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you didnt know i had herpes?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize