i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
