I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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