He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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