Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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