Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
