When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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