Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
