And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
