Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
