he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
