I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
