Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
