I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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