Ketchup is God's man juice
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize
