Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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