I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
