There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
After last night, I could never be a politician.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Randomize
