My liver just broke up with me...
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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