New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
