My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
