I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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