Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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