I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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