just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
