i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
