I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
