I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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