Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
