your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
