and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
