i used baking grease as lip gloss
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
