if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Randomize
