Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
