I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
