"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
