we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
3pm strippers are depressing
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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