Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I did not marry a roomba.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
