bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
false alarm. still invincible.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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