I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
