: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
