She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
