There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
