Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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