if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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