She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
