I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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