In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
