My underwear smells like fireworks.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
