Your dad touched me again.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
