I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize