you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
