I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
