I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
