You smell like a Billy Joel song
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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