I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
